All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Tucker is a bit taller than his father, standing at five feet, eleven inches. Though, to be far, he just says he is six feet tall. His hair is brown, and his eyes are green. And in many ways he looks nothing like his father except that many say they have the same smile. Tucker very much takes after his mother, having no desire to be as physically fit as his father. But when together, they look enough alike that people are aware they are related.
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Upon first meeting Tucker, it is easy going and not overly fussed by most things. He likes to charm his friends and love interest with a smile and compliment. He is prone to humor when he is uncomfortable, and pleased tell a joke when asked. But he can be somewhat reluctant to talk about some things, opting to be vague about anything that is bothering him unless prompted to be more in-depth. He has few close friends, but he is friendly enough with most everyone he meets.
Despite outward appearances, however, Tucker deals with very painful demons. Child-abuse at the hands of his maternal Grandparents has left him with several deep emotional scars that he has yet to come to terms with. He regularly struggles with depression and anxiety disorders that are directly related to the child-abuse. He also has a deep anger and bitterness directed toward his parents, and grandparents. As a result of this he is not close to anyone in his family. He often refers to his father and paternal grandparents by the first names. His mother he will occasionally alternates between her name and ‘mother’, and his maternal grandparents he often out-right refuses to speak of.
When pushed to answer questions concerning his past, Tucker becomes extremely anxious, often pushing away and trying to avoid the subject. Should he continue to be pushed his anxiety increases and he often lashes out in anger and withdrawing form the conversation all together. He also suffers extreme anxiety from having to make complex choices- such as leaving the Navy, or where to move. The anxiety increases when others are involved in the choice in some way. He becomes focused on not choosing the wrong thing, and possibly disappointing others around him. He is prone to pleasing others in order to gain their favor, or approval without much concern for himself. The disapproval of others, particularly those that he has a strong connection with, will often trigger anxiety.
His depressions, however, is something he expresses strong denial of. He often tries to present a cheerful outward appearance, preferring that people are not overtly aware of when he his down. At times he is overly reliant on others to make him feel better, though this is not a very effective method. He has self-medicated for depression with alcohol (and thus become a functioning alcoholic, though he is try to being sober after prompting from Pete.) Tucker’s depression is not officially diagnosed due to his adamant refusal to seek help. While not suicidal, Tucker often withdraws from others during the worst of times. He is prone to insomnia, and listlessness- both of which increase dramatically with the more free time he has. And while he does not have an eating disorder, he does experience a loss of appetite from time to time with episodes. His depressive states would be classified as “Major Depressive episodes” and will often last up to two or more weeks. Along side the insomnia, listlessness and lose of appetite, he experiences a feeling of self-worthlessness, and difficulty concentrating on things. He also occasionally focuses on death, with a ranging curiosity as to what effects his death would have on those around him- often ending with the thought that no one with either care or notice.
Outside of the depression and anxiety disorders, Tucker has low self-esteem. He has trouble accepting compliments, often refuting them as quickly as they are given, or reacting skeptically. He often tries to conform to behavior he believes people desire him to display, and seeks to ‘fit in’ while often concerned with the idea that he is not, in fact accepted by those around him.
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
The first eight years of Tucker’s life was unpleasant as he remembers them. His mother, Jennie, had given birth to him at the local Hospital in Greenville, Texas. From the moment he was born to the day he was taken to meet Jack, Tucker was raised in a trailer home on his Grandmother’s land. His mother’s parents raised him mostly, though they were no kinder to him than they had been to his mother. When he did wrong he was beat, and in Tucker’s mind everything had been wrong. As for his mother, Tucker had long since become used to seeing different men coming in and out of the house. He’d also become used to doing his homework in his room with a flash light while his mother drank and smoked endlessly with groups of men she’d bring home from the bar she worked at.
When he was eight, though, Jennie packed him up and flew to Washington, D.C. to meet Jack Donovan, the man he’d always been told was his father. They met at the airport, Jack giving Jennie and the boy an odd look as they talked. And before Jack had a chance to even get so much as a protest in, Jennie kissed Tucker’s head and darted off into the airport, leaving the two boys standing there alone in bewilderment.
The first months with Jack were uneasy, Jack’s life having already been set on its head with a set of circumstances that left him facing criminal charges. But slowly the two began to bond, though much of it was through the help of Jack’s friends who held him up to better standards than he held himself.
When Tucker’s Grandma Sumter came to get him, though, was the first moment he really began to feel a real connection to Jack. Jack blocked his grandmother’s ever attempt to drag the boy home, and for the first time the two began to bond.
After that day, Jack and Tucker began their slow climb up the father/son ladder. And even though Jack thought it would have been better for Tucker to stay in the US for school, Tucker spent much of the next ten years in Europe with his Father and Diana when Jack’s job took him overseas.
The first real argument that erupted between the two came when Tucker decided to join the Navy instead of attending College like his father wanted. And while Jack supported his choice, he never passes up the chance to make comments about how college was still an option.
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
Tucker lacks in any real, close friends. His class grades were not as high as they could have been, and Tucker does not live up to his intellectual potential. He is a know it all, and sometimes rubs it into peoples faces. He is not a physical fighter, but does not lack in snark that often starts a fight.
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Tucker is fluent in English, German and French, and is currently studying to learn Chinese for the Navy. He is intelligent, and has a desire to learn that always keeps a book in his hands. He is laid back, and is willing to do a lot to help out his friends.
Credits & Disclaimer
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Lyrics: Gary Jules, "Mad World"
[PB:] Jackson Rathbone
The icons in this journal aren't all mine, they were made by talented people I don't remember the names of. If you spot any that belong to you, tell me and I'll credit you.
[Disclaimer:] Tucker Donovan is a creation of my own mind, Jackson Rathbone, however, does belong to himself. The entries posted here, or any RP done here is of my own creative interest. Do not steal/copy/reproduce please. There may also be sexual situations, so please no minors. This journal will also discuss Child Abuse, and the lasting affects it can have of an individual. This is a very serious problem, and is no way condoned by the author. If you know, or suspect a child is abused, please do not hesitate to report it. The worst thing anyone can do is ignore it. -_-
Also, this journal is set ten years into the future from now. Tucker was born in 1998, which in reality makes him like...10. But through the magic of RP, we allowed him to magically age and pretend that instead of 2009, it is really 2019. For the most part, it will have no effect on how you RP with him. It is just so you don't get too confused with the dates, you know?
This character was originally an NPC involved in a RP called Chaos Theory, which may or may not make everything else make sense.